masks

Mom just left and I wondered about how much we try to just appreciate and enjoy each other's company when she's here. Granted, we don't have a lot of time together, but we really never talk about things we're struggling with, hardships, nothing. Anyway, just wondering about that and glad that the whole trip went as well as it did.

Today it wasn't about me and how my state of mind varies, shifts, and moves, but instead it was about my daughter. Maybe it was just low blood sugar, maybe it was a predisposition to being emotionally distraught and then giggly and elated, maybe it was none of those things and I was just perceiving a reflection of my state of mind

Having now gone nearly three months without a real hypomanic or manic episode, I'm in a new situation. Now I need to start figuring out what I can do without all that energy, enthusiasm, and concomitant selfishness and substance abuse. So I don't have smoking or caffeine or booze or weed, but I have a lot of emotional connection with the people around me, more time between action and reaction, safer driving habits, more peace of mind, and a lot more sleep. Also, lower self esteem, very little exercise, laziness, lack of interest in actitivities in general. Oh yeah, shit for memories as well, whether it's recent or long-term. Mania offered cool access to stories and history that I sorely lack at the moment.